Collectable.
Score fom Pheonix Arizona. Played TPC Stadium course (home of the Pheonix Open). In temperature of 39C managed 25 points.QLSBJ

Collectable.
Don't you just love golf ?
Just when you think you've already been a victim of every strange rule and piece of misfortune the game can throw at you, along comes another moment of education.
Playing earlier than usual in yesterday's competition at Seahouses and feeling pretty peckish, I used my playing partner's phone to call the bar as we waited on the 9th tee. Good old Duncan answered and I asked if he would order a bacon buttie for me to pick up as we passed the club house. "Yes I can" he replied "but you'll be disqualified from the competition".
Despite a sh**e card I decided to risk death from starvation to carry on and got to the 16th before succumbing to a tasty and crispy non-return.
Moral of the story is lads and lasses, put a couple of rashers, two slices of bread, a gas primus stove, frying pan and bottle of HP in your bag BEFORE you go on the course.
May the sauce be with you !

Collectable.
Congratualations to Doug and Richard who are the Golf North East Matchplay Champions for 2010. They beat a couple from Catterick yesterday at Ramside Hall, finally winning a very tight game on the 18th green. The usual prize for this competition is a holiday, but this year is a cheque - think that might make him semi pro - this will be as close as he gets!!!

Collectable.
Does the photo of Gary with a large floral arrangement in the Salver qualify as Salver abuse, when the photo was taken by Freddie himself - has he stooped as low as the other abusers?

Collectable.
just a quick word to back up Malcolm and Janice in thanking shorty for a great day at the Hobson.
We all agree the sixth was the best hole only because of the beer tent, there is a picture of Doug circulating
( hopfully now in the gallery ) getting some sort of relief behind a well trimed bush.
A great day was had by all Bandit took the money nothing new there
Jan and myself got to play with the King & Queen of golf Doug & Chris (look out for us on the front of golf north
- east)
Also thanks to Sue and Alan who did all the work while shorty swanned about in a buggy.
Round one over & out

Collectable.
Hi all, Just relaxing in the bar at Carnoustie Hotel after playinlg a round. Worked this morning at St. Andrews then here for a complimentary round. Sue got 33 pts and I got 35 pts. Nice day.

Collectable.
Just a note of thanks to Captain Stirk (and Sue) on behalf of the Salverites attending as guests on his 'day' at Hobson on Saturday. A very successfully day, Good weather, Great hospitality, Excellent pie peas & chips, Fantastic male vocals after (especially Madness - One Step Beyond), Oh, and the golf wasn't too bad either, especially after the beer on the 5th!

Collectable.
29 pts at Seahouses on Independence Day. Par is 67 but CSS was 71 and if you'd been playing you'd know why.
Speaking of CSS, does anyone know why it's always 69 at Stocksfield irrespective of weather and conditions, and even when about 6 out of 100+ competition entries play to handicap or better ?
It must be the hardest course in the county to get a handicap reduction on.

Collectable.
playing with Bobby Lincoln, Barry Golightly and Steve Gray scored 79 points in the Pro Am at Slaley Hall on Tuesday. Team finished in top spot and Flat screen TVs won by all

Collectable
another 39 pts at the hobson yesterday (sunday 20th) think that's the best i can do . looks like another great result for the Northern Irish ! Well done G Mac ! Think I'll drink guiness tonight to celebrate.

Collectable
Hi couples, couples of scores from last weekend. 38 points at Consett Sunday 13th and 39 points Hobson Sunday 13th ! Two good rounds in one wet day ! That will be it for the rest of the year.

Collectable
My Aunty Betty's 80th birthday golf bash at Cally Palace Hotel & Golf resort, Dumfries.
Sat 5th : Sue 26: John 35
Sun 6th : Sue 34: John 36 (despite coming off on for lightening on 17th).

Cally Palace is an interesting option for a golf break - old fashioned accommodation . with great food and service - golf course is fairly challenging.

Collectable.
Keep me right Jim. I'm rarely in top position. Bye the way, the engraver, Cobbler Rob, has told me that he will do my name for nothing, if ever I win it. True. I need all the encouragement I can get.

Collectable.
Fred
AS per the allowances chart should Porky's June adjustment be -1 rather than +1?

Collectable.
Porkster here reporting from uncle Sam's.
Golf was pretty poor the first week so no decent scores to record, so I'm blaming the clubs (again). Got my act
together a bit now so a 32 on bay hill 1st of May followed  by a 36 at Osprey on the 6th then a 38 yesterday at the
Palm. It appears to be going in the right direction now, playing Orange county country club tomorrow and wednesday so will have to slum it at Bay Hill on Thursday
Just an interesting point, flew out with Lee Westwood shame he did'nt win the masters or the Players it must be tough at the top? Porkster Over & Out.

Collectable.
Thanks Jan ! I was in London and out of touch end of last week but Malcolm told me you were breathing down my neck so I wasn't counting any chickens or ordering new stationery until the Maypole was swinging. Half expected the Florida flyer to come in with a big score too but he must have taken up scuba diving or alligator wrestling instead.

Collectable.
Congratulations Rob on acheiving the O.S I didn't realise your win would be so momentous otherwise I wouldn't have tried so hard to win it from you!! Love xx

Collectable.
I am more than a little concerned that Sunday Stocksfield golf is dead in the water - there was only Freddie and Gary out on Sunday. Us non golfers need our Sundays free of men!

Collectable.
A good day for Jan at Stocksfield. Very steady golf in the 3rd Ladies Medal which she won with a net 71 (including 2 8's on her card). Handicap reduced to 27 (27.4).
38 points

Collectable.
a score to add please camp freddie. 34 pts at stocksfield on sunday, cheers

Collectable.
Congratulations to Sue for winning TheSalver and to John as he begins his Captains year. I hope you both have a happy and successful year. Love etc. etc.x

Collectable.
Gary can be rented out at a very reasonable rate...cheques payable to H Stokoe please! At least if he is using this kind of iron he is not brandishing those other irony kind of stickies!

Collectable.
Its called 'Silver Service for Dogs' - the RSPCA would be proud of me! Oh - and by the way Helen do you rent him out??

Collectable.
Malc & Jan's Winter/Spring tour of Scotland
Set off on 'Slaley' day, in rain till we crossed the border to Bonnie Scotland - Blue Sky!!!
The Royal Burgh of Lauder - 9 hole but long at 6030yds, honesty box £15, elevated position to the West of Lauder, great views all round, course in v good condition, well worth playing.
Killin - (where we were staying) again 9 hole £22!!! very wet. Sean Connery's favourite course. Interesting challenge, 504 yd 9th/18th very spectacular as is the 10th tee box - big hit over the River Lochay & trees to reach the fairway.
Callender - Best course of the week, 18 hole and in very good condition. 7 par 3's but some over 200yds. Had to use mats on fairway but at £12.50 very good value. Got a two on the 15th signature hole - tight avenue of trees & big bunker in front of the green, framed by snow covered Ben Ledi in background.
Glencruitten - Oban. Went to the coast to escape the mist and rain inland. Played this one before, 18 hole James Braid Mountain Goat course, very hard work up & down either side of the Glen. Again in good condition, £15 and worth the challenge. Good clubhouse & friendly folk.
Goswick - On homeward journey, £25 but well worth it despite the wind. Greens were so slick, took 9 holes before I got used to them.
Jan kept her shots low & it paid off with 32pts.
Overall a good holiday, Jan very consistent with 29 pts minimum score. I had 2 decent scores in from Stocksfield already & couldn't improve on them.

Collectable.
Looked like fun at Slaley, think this aqua golf will catch on? But must admit you all dried out very smartly. Year as Captain Stirk has officially started. With a first score in the Captain's log of 36 pts at the R&A Hobson Sunday.

Collectable.
It's almost bedtime on this discussion. Many have made good comments on the issue of gimmies over recent days, but the fact that it has taken 2and a half years for the question to be raised at all, is proof to me that our social/competitive structure with no gimmies allowed has first of all given us a level of fairnesss on the green that cannot be disputed, also it has given us all the practice from short distances that we all desperately need. If gimmies were remotely considered in the format that we have, then our social/competitive outings would disintegrate into claim and counter claim as to whether a putt should be given or not. In essence, whatever the rules, there is no place for gimmies in The Salver. I would also suggest that, if put to vote, few, if any would prefer otherwise as it would become unmanageable.
Keep talking.

Collectable.
As one involved in the start of this thread I believe the issues are getting out of hand and need to be put to bed. Whilst thanking Gary for his clarification of R&A rules the issue is really the one of 'are we playing competitve or social golf in the Salver?, When I joined I believed it to be the latter. We don't play each round on each day on a level playing field so I believe we need to play within the spirit of social golf - if I am wrong then let Fred decide social or competitive golf. Beware a strict interpretation of the rulebook will be even more divisive!!

Collectable.
Consett 6th March 39pts .as an outsider could someone explain what all the fuss is about gimmes , what is the ruling?
Also what do you do if 18 holes are not open , do you play some holes twice , as this gives an unfair advantage.

Collectable.
Scored 34 pts at Sherry yesterday in the Friday Escape. Just for Herbies' benefit there were NO GIMMEES!!

Collectable.
Just to clarify the anglo-euro squabble

The R & A rules of Golf state -
Rule 32-2 Conditions
Bogey, par and Stableford competitions are forms of stroke play in which play is against a fixed score at each hole.

Rule 3.2
Strokeplay-
Failure to hole out=
If a competitor fails to hole out at any hole and does not correct his mistake before he makes a stroke on the next teeing ground or, in the case of the last hole of the round, before he leaves the putting green, he is disqualified.

Collectable.
Sounds like Herbie's rattled Grizzly's cage. What happended to the British 'must stick to the rules' attitude? The European Parliment (caravan club) seem to have taken the decision to overide the original constitution of the Salver. I would guess that 'gimmies' should help the high handicappers even more, as most of us can't putt !! Therefore we should see some better scores. We will have to explain what winter greens look like and how easy the ball goes in the hole or not to those lucky british winter escapees.
Chocks away
Over & Out (53)

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Let me get one thing straight for my fellow non golfing buddies - I was NOT secret testing. I simply forgot to take my trainers and was helpng my aged husband to complete the course by pulling his thing!!

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No mention in the salver rules section in respect of 'gimmies'. The rules of golf in relating to putting out relate to medal play only - no relevance in stableford. The point of the stableford format is to speed up play to enable ALL golfers,particularly high handicappers, to maintain their position on the course. Let common sense prevail. Do we need rules covering winter greens, preferred lies winter tees and their impact upon the stroke index ? I think not.Lets keep it simple and play to the spirit of the stableford format - otherwise lets play medal.

Collectable
Herbie is honored to have not only bagged The Salver but also the accumulator which I am sure will lead to some ground breaking salver abuse by Mrs J - who incidently was seen on a golf course wearing golf shoes and pulling a trolley (secret testing maybe??) while in Spain.
Back to Spain and the land of the gimmie!! The salver rules don't seem to have reached the euro zone YET, this needs to be addressed by 'parliament' (Fred) and a Euro Standard agreed to avoid any future conflict on the golf course!!!

Collectable
Helen, I will have you know I have never abused the salver, only silver polished it to the admiration of Fred and the next worthy recipient.

Collectable.
How wonderful - we have the Salver back in our home. I will find somewhere VERY special for it this time - promise!!!

Malcolm - what has happened to your salver abuse? You are letting the side down!

Collectable.
Herbie back on course!
After his mechanical problems at Campano and after a day on Sunday spent fine tuning his game Herbie got back on course at a Villanueva. 21 points on the outward nine ensured an excellent 37 point total. Well played Herbie!
Jim

Collectable.
Herbie's piston broke in Campano!!

Herbie continued his world tour with a visit to Campano in Spain.Result a surprising 18 points!!. Tomorrow Villanueva awaits Herbies assault- watch this space. What impact those winter tees, temporary greens and prefered lies through the green in the UK!!??? MTCBWY wherever you may be. Jim

Collectable.
Shouldn't Gary have letters after his name - TVAT?

Collectable.
After a phone call from Bill Miller last nite it would seem that the Spanish met office is about as reliable as ours.
Working on Freds theory of let's wait and see I have decided to take the clubs after all
what Bill & Jim consider to be inclement weather can't be any worse than we've been playing in here,I quite enjoy a game of hit and hope ? and as for water well us geordies that have not yet left blighty are used to playing with mask, snorkle and flippers. TOP-TIP from Stirky turn your 7 iron around  and use it as fishing rod. (It also looks better if you wear a red hat at the same time) hopfully herbie will turn amphibious and drive as well under water !!
Viva Espania Over & Out

Collectable.
Getting away from all this smut and back to golf, unfortunately a family engagement this afternoon meant we couldn't make Dunstanburgh today, however an earlier start at Seahouses resulted in 43 points for me and 32 for Rob. Fantastic day on the Northumberland coast, I expect to see some good scores from Dunstanburgh.

Collectable.
As Jan observes, 53 is also the number of Herbie the Love Bug. Very apt with Valentines Day upon us. As you know I am well past 53 so Jan is well placed to comment on Rob's posting concering 53 and sexual & intellectual prime, (To avoid any confusion that's my Jan not Rob's Jan).
However I suspect she will just have a private word with Joanne!!

Collectable.
Never mind the points - based on Robs philosophy I now look forward to Paul being 53!!

Collectable.
60 points at the weekend Fred but unfortunately 28 of them came at a very foggy Slaley on Saturday and 32 at a slightly hungover Dunstanburgh on Sunday ! James also hit 32 at DB.
Congratulations Paul on the amazing score - that one will stand for a while ! In celebration of the achievment here are some facts about "53"
53 is the sum of 5 consecutive prime numbers 5,7,11,13 and 17. 53 is the atomic number of the chemical element Iodine.
In the year 53 AD Kanishka I, king of the Kush in India, protector of Buddhism was born.
And finally, 53 is the age at which men reach their sexual and intellectual prime.

Collectable.
Oh' what a difference a day can make!Only because I was 'birthday boy' on Saturday was I allowed out of my box to play golf. An invite to play at Slaley from Ged & eleven others we had three four ball teams. One hole in and down came the freezing fog with viz down to about 75yds it was 'hit and hope' situation!! My trolly battery was fading going up 16th and I lost the will to live! I had only 27 points in the bag so I was amazed when we took the team prize thanks to the Bandit Geoff & Darren. That night however was spent drinking copious amounts of alcohol at Matfen Hall and another game of golf booked the next day with Jim, Fred & the Bandit. We now know Jim is a warm weather golfer as he cried off at the last minute. The weather was tropical compared to the previous day! Anyway the rest is history with a mere 53 points to record I am more than a little embarrased. We all have good days as well as bad - just not as often. M.T.C.B.W.Y Porkster over & out

Collectable
Well this has been a long time coming (two years).
Have faith everyone, when your game goes off - persevere!!
I was pleased to win by a margin of 4.2 as the 4.4 allowance was somewhat of an embarrassment.
Thanks to Brian Ridley at Beamish Park who has sorted out my sh**ks and regrooved my iron shots. He has my full recommendation for anyone who has thought about taking some lessons to sort out any problems.
Here's hoping it continues into February!

Collectable.
Unbelievable ! A score to record in January !
Played South Shields yesterday, in very good nick with all 18 greens on. Arrived about 12.15 in peeing down rain and almost didn't bother but we went for it and were rewarded as it dried up after the 2nd and then all we had to contend with was a bitingly cold wind.
Anyway 34 pts for me and an excellent 37 for James despite not playing for almost 2 months.

Collectable
I can't believe how disrespectful people are to the Salver, it is outrageous!

Collectable.
I would just like to thank all my slavery friends for their comments about my efforts for charity on behalf of Consett Ladies Soccer team. As my golf has not been of the highest standard lately I am considering asking to be allowed to play off the Ladies tees. I love you all. Raquel

Collectable.
32 pts for me and 30 for James at Seahouses yesterday Fred.
When the accounts are completed count me in, although in light of recent events have you thought about alternate methods of financing such as selling the naming rights ?
How about sportsdirect.com@theSalver or salepepe.com@theSalver ?

Naah probably not..

Collectable.
38 points The Hunting - 15/11/09 also won the Consett Victoria _ Club Championship

Collectable.
Nearly choked on my Corn Flakes this morning when I turned to Page 3 of the Northern Echo, to find that the big bosomed beauty in the mini-skirt before me was one our very own Salverites, however not one of the female contingent!

Couldn't find it on the website, so no link unfortunately, but well worth trying to pick up a copy if you get the chance.

Collectable.
Salver costs

Recovering from sunstroke after playing in the 90s today and now requests for money!! No problem mark Marilyn and I down as contributors

Collectable.
MATFEN HALL DETAILS.
How does the 6th February sound for all that want another trip to Matfen? That would be Dinner & Bed on the Saturday evening and golf on the Sunday. An idea of those who may like to come would be usefull. RSVP Paul's personal secretary, Events Co-ordinater, Cook & Bottle washer. jo@cloudnineballoon.co.uk

Collectable.
ROCKLIFFE HALL BAR BILL for the Saturday night was £231.70 works out at £21 per person. Sorry if you didn't get your share. The 9 people know who they are - cheques or cash accepted. No credit cards!!!

Collectable.
Unfortunately we no longer have cuddly toys in our house but I'm sure I will find a use for 'The Salver' somewhere in the house.

Collectable.
At last I have letters after my name, all be it O.S.which I presume stands for
OVER SIZED . Still it could have been worse had one tried harder in the T.W.A.T
I could have been an OVER SIZED TWAT And that's not good for one's image.
Anyway congrat's to the G.P.'s and Happy New Home.
Hi to Jim & Marilyn sitting in sunny Spain while it's pissing down outside the goldfish
bowl. Hope to see you soon - Porkster.

Collectable
Well done Porky We are enjoying the hot sunshine in Spain Will get round to golf later in week after we have set up and chilled out !!

Collectable.
skived off work on friday for a final charge at the twat, but to no avail the porkster was bending it like beckham off the tee which as you know is not good at Clera Vale or so the train drivers gestures seemed to confirm
Anyway at least the irons were working. Have fun on saturday while i'm in the fish bowl.
M.T.C.B.W.Y.
Porkster.

Collectable.
Best of luck to all of you playing at Rockliffe tomorrow, really wish I could make it but at a friend's wedding - any other week and I'd have been there!

The final push for the TVT (for my dad at least), didn't quite work out as planned. Played Allendale this morning, I made a respectable 37 with a few positives to take out of it, however only 31 pts for my dad made it would take a monumental round at Tynedale this afternoon.

We set off nevertheless, and managed 10 holes before deciding we couldn't drag ourselves round any longer. I was hitting the ball well, a couple of good birdies gave me 24 from the 10, Rob making 20, ending any hopes of challenging for Silverware.

Certainly wouln't rush back there in a hurry, I would have to be within a whisker of the TVT to return in future.

Collectable.
Hi Helen
I will take one with me to the pub tonight!!
Otherwise everything you would expect from Free range - goes longer and straighter

Collectable.
A bit like free range eggs
Not quite as round as they should be ?
Porkster.

Collectable.
What do free range golf balls look like?

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Revised info
Rockcliffe Hall

Our tee time has been brought forward to 11.40am.
It takes about 1 hour to drive down.
Free range balls beforehand.

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Back from Uncle Sam 's to the great british weather managed to play most days in record tempretures had the best round I 've ever played Golf wise at Bay Hill with bunkers the size of Tynemouth beach .
Rushing off to Hursty's wedding now will catch up with you all soon
Porkster M.T.C.B.Y

Collectable.
Just home from the land of the Everlasting Sun (Portugal)
Played The Old Course on Thursday and was as spectacular as ever - A disappointing visit to San Lorenzo on Friday - a great course but too many people on it so finished in the dark! Sat and Sun saw us on the Quinta North and South which were sublime
Thursday 35 Friday N/R Saturday 38 Sunday 37 - Not bad for a weekends work

Collectable.
Having been off for a month with a pulled muscle while playing 5-a-side (yes I have heard all the 'You're too old to play 5-a-side c--pmany times before) I decided to play my Stocksfield Twat entry on Wednesday with Willy.Hit 2 cracking shots to the first then 4 putted and it got worse so instead of just playing for the Twats I played like one. 25 points!!!

Collectable.
Just to echo the congratulations to Trish on her great performance at Garesfield yesterday.
As we arrived to play, she was holding the trophy aloft and being photographed outside of the clubhouse. Look forward to seeing the photos !

Collectable.
A VERY BIG Congratulations to Trish who has just won The Journal Trophy - this is an Inter County Competition Durham/ Northumberland she had a nett 70 at Garesfield today which would be 39 points - also a handicap reduction to 18.7. Watch out for the big write up in The Journal tomorrow.

Collectable.
In keeping with the TV(A)T competition, I continue to strive to play every course like exactly that, starting at Prudhoe with blob, blob, birdie (4 pts), birdie (4 pts), blob, par (3 pts) blob. Unfortunately the sublime was far outweighed by the ridiculous, and only a pitiful 27 pts to register.

My dad managed 20 pts on the opening 9, but consecutive no scores on 16 and 17 meant he only managed a disappointing 33pts.

I must add how disappointed I was with the course, it was the one course on the TVA I was looking forward to playing, but I thought it had a very municipal feel to it, the pick of the holes were definitely the 6 on the other side of the road.

Congratulations Janice ! Lovely photo too.

Two scores to record both from Stocksfield, played 13 holes on Wednesday (12 hole sweep and the 18th) and amassed 34 points.
Played 18 holes in medal today and scored 33 points.
It's a funny old game.
Best regards
Captain Ramshaw. (Still no invite to join the Northumberland GC)

Collectable.
Played at one of the North East's most exclusive clubs yesterday, scoring 31 pts at Northumberland Golf Club in Gosforth Park. Doesn't sound like the best round ever but in a better ball competion, and tough conditions, my partner and I scored 39 pts and won the Highwayman Trophy, the Claret Jug of the North East Civil Engineering industry.

An interesting course, with 15 of the holes inside the track at Newcastle Racecourse (playing from a hoofprint behind a hurdle is something I have never had to do before), membership is still by invitation only, and unless you have a title other than "Mr" the chances are you will never be invited. A jacket, collar and tie are still required at all times in the dining room, I believe it is the only institution other than The Salver parties which still maintains these rules.

An interesting story about the club- Although the Club is still Gentlemen only, the course is shared by the Gosforth Park Ladies Golf Club. A few years ago a complaint was received by the committee from the ladies who had been offended by the amount of swearing to be heard from players on and around the 18th green. Clearly this was totally unacceptable, and the club had to do something to eradicate this problem. Therefore the decision was made to ban all ladies from the patio area near the 18th green - problem solved!!

Collectable.
What a great photo of Fred !
He look's like a bear with a sore head.
must have missed the put from the back
of the green
He look pretty miffed to me
best keep out the way then till he calms down.

Collectable.
One of our own ( T.W.A.T.S.) that is.
Will now be better known as Freddie the Fish as in (Michael Fish) for serious weather GAFF'S
Although supplied with accurate information from both the Bearded Banbit and Fat Pilot ; twat freddie cancelled
our day out by the river ( Clara Vale ) because it was raining in Bishop Auckland.
To add to freddie's embarrasment we invited him to play in the 12 hole sweep at Stocksfield in what could
only be discribed as Balmy conditions. Anyway the golf was great the weather was great
and who would have predicted the bandit winning the money .
Hear's to all the TWATS that play golf M.T.C.B.W,Y
Porkster (Fat Pilot)

Collectable.
Dear Anon
I must admit that in this photo it does look like Jerry Adams (thats Jim's Irish half brother) but it's not,
any celeb spotter will instantly know that it's really Eddy Jordan without his glasses.
P.S nobody's supposed to know Eddy;s joined the salver and is planning to disguise himself as fred after
the summer hollidays, let's see if he succeedes?.

Collectable.
Is that Gerry Adams or Fred next to Vin on the Bellingham photo?

Collectable
thanks john for the comments, unfortunately I couldnt keep it up! Heather & I played the annual Maharees trophy on 1st Aug, but Heather failed to retain the cup in v windy & difficult conditions, Heather had 26pts & I had 28. She was vrey pleased to present the cup to our great friend Sean O' Donovan

Collectable.
As July draws to a close I'll recount details of last Sunday's Club Championship and Salver played at Seahouses.
Unlike Stocksfield which is played 36 over 2 days with the top 8 entering a matchplay play-off, Seahouses goes for 36 on the day with the winner being the best on the day.
Anyway to give an idea of how the day was, the Championship was won by the head groundkeeper who has a 2 handicap, with a score of 150 (2 X 75) - the course has a par of 67 so that is 16 over par on the day! Could it be a first for someone to win the club championship and probably get a lift in handicap !
My rounds were 78 and 70 net, the 78 included a 13 and a 9 and the 70 was ruined by a 9.
Is the 13 a record ?
It was "achieved" on the par 4 5th (S.I.1), which anyone who has played it off the back whites will know it makes the driving position of the 8th at Stocksfield look wide open, with trees down the left and out of bounds down the entire length to the right.
Anyway my 13 was helped by going 9 off the tee ( a record ?) and believe me one more in the field and I was walking !
But for the 13 and 9 I'd have won the net competition - but there again if my aunty had had ba*** she'd have been my uncle.
Anyway I was somewhat consoled afterwards by a couple of pints of Guiness and a chat with a 4 handicapper who had taken a 10 and a 6 handicapper who took 11 on the same hole !
Quite a day - but I've got to say 18 holes is enough for one day !

Collectable
Please will you all try harder to win the Salver! I have enough to clean in our house!

Collectable
Jim is not only one in this household who can win silverware!! I won the Past Captains' Quaich at Bellingham today with 37 points. My handicap has reduced by 0.8 - now down to 27

Collectable
Played at Brampton -June 3rd.Jim had 31 points. My score is not worth mentioning- had the round from hell with a certain person whose initials are JC - not Jesus Christ !! Mind you the way he played he expected miracles but sadly they did not happen!!Spent ages at each hole looking for his ball in the rough, trees - you name it and he was there. Gave up the will to live in the heat!

Collectable
I see news has already reached the site, but I had the round of my life on Saturday. After the disappointment of last week's handicap raise, I was determined to get it down again, but I didn't expect it to be so soon and by such a a margin. I won the Pro-Am Qualifier with a 78 (nett 60) which also works out as 46pts - handicap is slashed by 3 shots though. Time to work on my game, especially as the prize for winning is playing alongside Club Professional Steve Harrison in a Northern PGA Pro-Am event at Fulford GC (of Seve in the tree fame) with a prize of competing together in Turkey if successful.

Collectable
38pts and a 2nd place finish in the CECA (Civil Engineering Contractors Association) North East Golf Day at Castle Eden yesterday (thurs 21st). Two blobs on my card in the last four holes and several 3 putts cost me dearly, but at least I walked away with a bottle of Glenmorangie - thats my dad's christmas box sorted!

Collectable
We have just returned from three days in Portpatrick. This is an annual golf society trip, the first two days being a team event and on the third day everyone plays for the Miller lamp which is a lovely miners lamp originating from Shilbottle colliery. Jim was thrilled to win this with 32 points- another one for the collection!!!. We played the three rounds in very windy conditions. On Wednesday my team won and I got 34 points . I will take a picture of Jim with the lamp then you can all see how lovely it is.

Collectable
Jim returns from Yorkshire "flushed with success", bearing two very grand silver trophies. He wom the "Ian Wilson trophy for winning on the first day and " The Boggle Hole Society" trophy for winning overall. He also received a lovely Taylor Made putter. He did not have a very good day yesterday at Driffield only managing 22 points but won today ar Durham City with 33 points

Collectable
35 points at Stocksfield on Saturday 25th.

I was in Seahouses at the back end of last week- there were wanted posters all over the place for a bandit who is believed to have escaped to the Italian Riviera. Winning a competition by 6 clear shots in only your second week of being a member of the club does not usually go down to well!

Collectable
Just an observation from looking through the scores, I played the other week (5th??) at Stocksfield with Gary and Noel. Having marked Noel's card I can see it hasn't been entered on here, I think he hit 32 pts. The irony was I was marking it for handicap purposes (he is hoping for a higher handicap) and he carded 3 birdies in the round including 2's on 10 and 18 and almost sinking an eagle putt on the 9th.

Collectable
Quick update on the Seahouses golf fest which was the holiday weekend.
A recordable 35 pts yesterday (Monday 13th) in the Easter medal. That's two medals played there now and twice safely over the water for me on the intimidating Logan's Lough hole (which is a lot different when you get to play the whites !) and slightly better than my playing partner managed - although he was extremely unlucky putting a 5 iron into the water about 6 inches short of the green yesterday before reloading and putting it 5 feet from the pin.
Have to say I'm really enjoying Seahouses - I ummed and aahed about joining, as Bamburgh still has it's waiting list, but I'm glad I did as it's a really challenging course with great scenery and a good variety of holes - you'd have to play it an awful lot to get bored. And the weather changes daily !
Also a friendly and cosy old traditional club house so I look forward to seeing some of you up there through the summer !

Collectable
Just a couple of observations as I have not been on the site for a while
First I have just noticed that marilyn has recorded the first salver hole in one; this was kept very quiet ?
sounds to me like Jim may need to fill the bar or at the very least throw a huge party!
speaking of Jim, He and Noel gave the Pork & cheesey a real good grubbing on wednesday his 34 points are to record.
The other thing is I feel it's time to level the playing  field a bit,I am making this suggestion while the FAT CONTROLER (just an observation Fred) is away sunning
himself.
I feel that the winner should permanently loose the the points ie I would loose three and therfore play off
21 the following months and the bottom three should be  awarded one point each, Over the year this should giveeverybody an equal chance to win!
I may have just shot myself in the trotter but I do feel that unless we adjust the handicap system people will loose interest looking forward to your comments. porkster.

Collectable.
Played 9 holes at Bellingham on Saturday and had a hole in one at the 4th -made my day !! That is my second hole in one, the first being in Vancouver some years ago now.
Played 18 holes at Bellingham today and only managed 26 points We have been spoiled this winter and it is hard to adjust to spongy greens and soggy fairways !!

Collectable
Porky and the Bandit? Sounds like the new Burt Reynolds movie...

Collectable
Porky and the Bandit played a windy Dunstanbourg today and split the money taken from Jim and Colin with a creditable 35 points each

Collectable
Awaiting my first Salver competition with eager anticipation

Collectable
Final fling from sunny Spain Marilyn 39 pts - Montecastillo - 20th February . Marilyn 45 pts at Montecastillo - 25th February-par 72 . Jim - Montecastillo 20th Feb - 31 and Montecastillo - 25th Feb - 36. I am really pleased with my round on a testing course that used to be the home of the Volvo Masters prior to its move to Valderrama. Back home to UK next week

Collectable.
Thanks for those kind words Paul, as the only person in the north of England who plays more than myself you'll appreciate how frustrating it can be when earning an honest crust gets in the way of one's recreation. However I've had a word with the Chancellor (Angela that is - not Alistair) and she says as soon as we get the German economy back on track and we can start baling out the rest of Europe again, it'll be towels on the sunbeds and back on the golf course before you can say "currywurst mit pommes". That'll be a couple of weeks then.
Tschuss !

Collectable.
Auctung!!!
The Jerry's have captured the british golfer Herr Rob Ramshaw and it appears he is locked away in an office
somewhere near lintz's fordstatt in an old print works. Vorsprungderktecnique as they say in Germany no
sign of him on the beaches of dunstanbourgh thursdayor at Stocksfieldahaven sunday?
Leaked reports say he is now part of the great German Industrial machine and may even have to work for a living?
Does this mean others may be able to book a tee time or find a parking space without an Audi A5 in it.
Rob good luck in the new job. Porkster. over & out.

Collectable because of honesty factor!
Scores from sunny Spain
Doug - 38 points 19/2/09 Hacienda Riquelme - Played the wrong ball or would have scored 41.
Chris - 37 points 20/2/09 EL Valle
Didn't get to play with Jack Nicklaus - maybe tomorrow.
Hacienda now available for rent!!

Collectable
I think I need to find Paul some DIY jobs while the weather has stopped play. Obviously he is very bored and his strange sense of humour is working overtime!!

Collectable
( Golfing Husband )
You may be married to a BIG Bertha or even have your
bag carried by a Fanny, You will probibly hear about 5pm
Tee's ready, Or Fore heven's sake swing by and pick me up, Have another Slice or even sling your Hook.
And they claim to know nothing about the game?
So if a three wood can be made from metal does
that mean that her husband's parts could be made
from silicon rubber?
Just an idea vibrating around in my head
and a pack of three HEAD covers would be nice
Of (course) we have a name LUCKY !

Collectable
If the golfing term for wife is ‘leg iron’ what is the golfing term for husband?

Any ideas?
Replies via guestbook please.

Collectable
Porkster here reporting from uncle Sam's back yard.
played some fantastic corses but it takes a while to adjust to lightning greens, was fortunate enough to play
Bay Hill on Sat 17th with a credible 38 points but the highlight was after in the locker room with it's gentleman's bar and gambeling den !! under the club house.
Have had several rounds at our home course stoneybrook west and had my second best round ever
with a round of 88 net 64 for 44 pt's on wednesday 21st.
Just a thought but how's about a salver ryder cup?
Porkster over and out.

Collectable.
Please remove Gary from all your golfing things, as his New Years resolution is to gaze at his wife and not go hitting those silly little balls around with those sticky things wearing diamond jumpers any more. OK?



H x

P.S. Happy New Golfing Year.

P.P.S.S. Can we still go on Salver holidays?

Collectable
I am a fred i av a complant (enough of the french) It would appear that my best score of net 35 on 03/12/08 has vanished into thin air! only to be replaced by my 30 of 08/12/08 this was however the day after a quiet night at your's. It's hard enough to score without the fred factor. Plus my net 31 at dunstanburgh should add up to more points, and as we know points mean prizes.
so should I ring carrol vordeman or do you know a good maths teacher who can work it out!!

Collectable
Sorry this is a bit late but it's been a bit hectic this week. Thanks for a great night - we really enjoyed the Salver party - apart from the long walk to get there!!!. Just a word of warning to other Salver members who may be tempted to take up the offer of a lift from Ken - make sure you wear your walking boots!!! Mustn't grumble too much however, as the service was first class on the way home. Congratulations Trish!!!
Barry and Lynda

Played at Campano on Monday - Dec 8th Marilyn 38 points, Jim 31 pts - par 72

Collectable.
Thanks to you both for a great night, mind you I thought
the food & drink was a bit shy for 300 people.
Some of us managed to play golf on sunday, I met
Stirky and sue both looking incredibly fresh but this was short lived as we soberd up.
Front 9 was great back 9 was s***t ,Sue froze and left
after 10 shorty and myself carried on to finish in almost
pich black but managed a score of 31 net 30 porkster.

Collectable.
Sorry we can't be with you .. tonight - we shall be thinking of you all. It would have been a good opportunity to meet everyone.
Have a good time
love Marilyn & Jim

Collectable
Wednesday Dec 3rd - Sherry Golf Club - Jim 34 pts - Marilyn 31 points- par 72
Friday December 5th Jim won the European Golf Society of Cadiz Friday escape competition at Montemedio with 31 points. I had 26 points -par 72

Collectable.
Thank you for a lovely night on Friday, I really enjoyed myself (shame about all that golf talk though). The photos are fab, Gary is busy admiring his swing, he keeps demonstrating how wonderful it is to me, hope the neighbours appreciate it. I was wondering if it would be appropriate for me to bring a little set of paint by numbers puppies and kittens pictures for Jackie, Joanne and I (and Elaine if she has not been converted to the ‘g’ word) to paint at the Salver party; as when we have finished Joanne’s scrabble, we could paint them and then watch the paint dry if you are all talking golf.

Helen

Collectable.
Thank you to Fred and Gary for organising such a great time at Maften. It was good to meet fellow golfers who are mad enough to play in such conditions.Hope another extravagance is in the pipe line. greetings to old and new friends, Trish And Ken.

Collectable
No scores to record on a weekend of Texas scrambles but thought I'd share a coversation I had with James which made me smile.
Knowing he has always been a keen sportsman and that Joanne played decent hockey and netball at university I commented that new baby Joseph will probably grow up to be a sports enthusiast.
James replied that he never wants to be a pushy or overly ambitious parent but if Joseph became the first ever Newcastle United player to play in the Ryder Cup he'd be more than happy !

Collectable
Porky once more rises to the fore!! After having his driver re- shafted went on to score 40 points at Villaneuva on Nov 12th - par 72. Jim scored 30 . Today, Nov 13th we all played at Arcos Gardens an absolutely fab course north of Jerez Porky scored 26, Jim 27 and Bill Miller ,hcp 12, scored 21 - par 72.7. I had 26 points and Bev , hcp 17 had 32 pts - par 72.7 Porky flies home tomorrow. Will keep the scores coming - nice to play in lovely dry conditions!!

Collectable
Hi Fred , home from sunny Portugal to gales, cold, freezing rain ,and worst of all aclosed golf course.
results 4th nov. Morgado, Ken 38pts Trish 33pts
6th Nov Palmares Ken 32 pts.
8th Morgado Trish 38pts.
Hope weather better for Matfen .love Trish

Collectable
An early and good score to register for November, hit 41/40 off the whites on a 2 X back 9 set up in today's competition at Stocksfield, playing in a 4BBB with Roy and Steven Duncan.
You may well ask how I am recording a score when playing better ball, but when you record 16 of the 18 scores it's not going to slow the game down too much to finish the other two holes as well.
I won't name and shame my partner but he has a good excuse in that he's been lacking sleep recently as his pending fatherhood looms ever closer.

Collectable
6th December fine with us - will be there. Would it be possible to talk about something other than GOLF or shall I bring a scrabble set for Helen, Jackie & myself.

Collectable
Porkster crashes and burns badly
No excuses other than out with Hirsty on Saturday night
and up at 6 am flying sunday morning.
Should have cancelled when only 30 people were waiting to tee off and the powerkaddy would'nt work.
Started on the 11th and didn't even give Neil a game
could not even hit the ball ? if this was lager then it definatley was'nt carlsberg probibly the worst gome of golf
in my life!! and thats saying somthing Not to worry tomorrows another day not even broken into yet, and with portugal on thursday who cares, its not every day you get invited to the world speed drinking final
and qualify in the last 24 wish me luck Porkster.
P.S. hope Rob has more sucess in his semi-final

Collectable
Well done to my dad on his round yesterday, never missed a putt from within 10 feet all day. He failed to mention however, that our 3 ball including Mike Tetley were 1,2 and 3 on the leaderboard at the time we left, my 2nd place score score working out as 37 (nett 36) pts.

By the look of it, that means I will be once again missing out by virtue of the Ramshaw/Peart ruling!

Collectable
Really sorry to see Paul and Gary miss out in their semis, still a great effort by them both. Maybe if I lose mine Paul and I should have a 3rd place play off like the World Cup ?
I hit a net 67 in today's competition playing with James and Mike Tetley, off the whites so it's definitely a cut this time with SSS anticipated to be 72.
It translated to a 39 net 38 stableford, and was the leading score when we left ! (fingers crossed)
What great timing, getting cut a couple of days before a matchplay semi !

Collectable
Hi folks, out in Aus enjoying 29degrees and NO RAIN. Played Rydges Capricorn Championship course yesterday only 26pts for me and 21 for Jan. Long course, plenty of wildlife incl black & yellow snake & roos. Plenty of water too, very scenic. Hope to get some improved scores in soon.

Collectable
Despite the recent weather I've still somehow managed to get out 4 times in the last five days. 12 holes on Wednesday at Stocksfield with the highlight being an eagle 2 on the 12th. On thursday I scored 35 pts (nett 34) at Wynyard. Played in Redcar and Cleveland Lord Mayor's Charity Day in the torrential rain and wind on friday scoring a mammoth 24 pts at Cleveland Golf Club and I didn't even play too badly - 150 yards was either a 3 wood or PW depending on the direction of the hole.

Then on sunday my dad managed to locate what must of been the only course in the north east that was open, ironically enough it was Longhirst Hall, Morpeth. 37 pts there!

Collectable.
Decided it was worth one last titanic effort to tame the
rampant Ramshaw. So in torrential rain I set off on my quest.
( no normal person would have even got out of the car )
The 8 on the first didn't help, and by the fourth my underpants were taking in water fast, so all in all the toys came out the pram and the challenge sank quicker than the ship.
If anyone out there wants a cheap set of wet pings i'm your man?
anyway I have a good excuse
(the course was against me)
well done capitan Ramshaw as you sailed to victory and
good luck to everybody in August. Porkster over & out

Collectable.
As the month of July draws to a close and I am about to find the silver cleaner for Gary to polish the salver, I am now quite sad to think that it will be leaving my table in the hall….. where will I keep my car keys now?

Collectable.
Good evening
Have just looked at the photo of my lovely husband and the equally lovely salver and all I can say is what a damn fine fence there is behind him! Who was the erector? I think I need him to visit Number 11!
Helen.